In My Feelings

Have you ever battled it out with your heart?
Are you still battling with your heart?

Same.

Honestly, with love it is always so hard to differentiate whether you are in love with someone, or you are in love with the idea of someone.

When you realize you are in love with someone, you do everything in your power to make them happy. This verification of this feeling is especially prominent if you are the prime reason for their happiness. You went to buy them coffee or dinner, you make them laugh till their stomach hurts, you make them smile till their cheeks become sore, you take care of them in their time of need, you listen to what they have to say, or you simply just be there for them, living by their side. Being in love with someone, it’s great. There’s a source of happiness that, “Wow, here’s someone whom I cherish in my life, and whom I can share my happiness with.”

At the same time it isn’t. You lose sleep over them. You worry about their well-being and how they are doing. You want to know what is going on in their life and you are scared by the simple idea that one day…they won’t need you anymore. Being in love with someone is a gamble, it’s a sacrifice of a part of your life, an investment you make. Once that sacrifice is gone, you start to wonder and feel broken with the idea that…maybe that investment was not worth it and was a waste of your time.

Then once you realize that you are in love with the idea of someone…well, either you are first in denial, or you take a minute or two to fully accept this thought, and you move on. Usually when you realize that you are in love with the idea of someone, it is because later on you meet someone who is similar to who you thought you were in love with. The person you had the idea of being in love with can be replaced. You compare their actions, their personality traits, their appearance to the next person. When you are in love with the idea of someone, it is difficult to really love the person for simply who they are.

All I’m saying is when you start to realize these things, you have to really get deep and raw with your feelings. You cannot just say simply, “Oh, I’m in love with them” or “Yeah, I think I’m just in love with the idea of them”. You have to know the difference when it comes to feeling what you feel for that person. And the result? It’s scary. I know it was scary for me because that feeling, I thought it was one, but it was actually the other. Love can mess you up really good. At the end of the day it could make or break you. At the end of the day, you have to take a big piece of your heart and manage it with the rest of your life.

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