*Listen to Better Off by Ariana Grande while reading*
There’s something refreshing about closing the elevator door on someone you do not like.
Typically I’m the kind of person that gives people the benefit of the doubt. I allow them to be the person they are and believe that there is some underlying pain they are holding on to. Something that they cannot express or talk about because it is too much for someone else to bear. Their past experiences are what define their manner and behavior, and they are working on being a better person. On my end, I do what I can to be present for them and let them know if they need anything, they got me.
“They have stuff going on, let them do their own thing.”
However, there may be that one day that person, the one you invest so much time and so much love and hope in, proves you wrong, and you cannot help but dislike them after that.
I want to use hate, but that terminology is too strong for my being. I love people 95% of the time. Hating someone is a very difficult task for me personally because I usually believe that in the end, it will all work out and they’re going to join the band of good people in this world to go and fulfill their passions in a positive light. Quality Time and Acts of Service are my top two love languages. I love doing things for people and spending time with them. I would like to believe that there are no bad people in this world and we all just need a little love and attention. However, there is a small, miniscule population that has made it in my circle of dislike and I have to take them out of my book no matter how much it kills me. They have done things that, not just me, but a significant amount of people have viewed as unlikeable. I want to give them a chance, but maybe later down the road, especially if it is something that takes not just months, but years, to forgive.
“But April, what if they change?”
Yeah, sure. Let me see that happen though. The day I see this person walk right up to me and tell me “I’m sorry” maybe, just maybe, I’ll believe it and tell them, “It’s okay”, hug them and all is well. Everyone is capable of change, but for those people who continuously, time and time again, disappoint you, you can’t be waiting around for change.
I honestly am just ranting at this point. I think we can all agree that we have someone we dislike. We’re just normal people and we cannot like everyone nor can we be liked by everyone. That’s okay. There’s other people you like and who like you back.
I was talking to a friend the other day and we were catching up. I was telling them that a few weeks ago someone broke my trust, someone broke my heart, and someone lied to me (yiKES that’s a triple whammy). I was telling them about all the stuff that was happening and how all this pain consumed me and transformed from sadness into anger and hate. They asked me:
“Why did you let them ride with you in the elevator for so long?”
I got so confused by their question, but then they explained it.
Your elevator is like your ride through life and getting to the top is the ultimate goal. Your elevator has only one option for you, and that is to go up. As humans, obviously we do not want to hit any low points, but people will press the button on the bottom floors and bring you down to start from the bottom again. Now, as the person inhabiting the elevator and having a sole mission to just go up, you have a choice to let people come and go. You can be passive about it and just let them get off and get on as they please, there is nothing wrong with that. However, when it gets to a point where they are just being unbearable and just plain hurting your life, are you going to let them continue to have that control? Are you going to let them have that power to say “You’re (insert negative label)” and just use you? Step all over you? Dictate what your life is going to be like or what your next actions are based on your past? Some people would say this person is ‘being toxic’ but that phrase is stating that they are a toxic person overall and no one is a toxic person overall. They can perform toxic behavior (such as calling you names or physically harming you) but you would not call them a toxic person. Calling someone that term can contribute to the deterioration of their mental health and that, in conclusion, will be your doing (it’s true, our words when projected are powerful things).
With that being said, no. You should not give them that power if they are making your elevator go haywire and not enjoyable for those that want to go up with you.
So this circles back the question: “Why did you let them ride with you in the elevator for so long?” I thought long and hard about my answer to this. I wrote about it, I confided in my inner circle about this, I cried about it. I realize and acknowledge that I have a lot of love to give. As I said in the beginning, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to give people multiple chances. I love people and hope one day those people, that are not likeable at the moment, will be better and loving them won’t be hard.
Even so, I’m only human. With all these changes and life moving on, I do not want the rest of my life to be like this. I love having hope, but ya girl can only have so much hope for so long that it becomes disappointing.
With that being said, I took them off my elevator. I have my own methods of temporary removal (because you never know if they’ll actually be a better person down the road but for now let’s just remove them temporarily), but for those people in your life that are making your elevator go down and not enjoyable on the way up, you can block them, unfriend them, delete their phone number, remove their pictures, ignore them when you run into them, kick them off the elevator, push them out, or however you choose to remove them from your life (everything except murder because we out here trying to live our best life not in jail). Whatever positive, healthy method you choose to “remove” someone from your life, the end goal is for you to be happy and reach your goals with those who support you. In the words of another friend:
“I know it’s hard, but it’s not worth the pain and heartache [keeping them in your life at the moment]. You just might feel sad or weird about it at first. But honestly, taking them out of your life is like a weight lifted off your shoulders. You may think you’ll regret it later, but if it is toxic and does not help you grow, you shouldn’t have to deal with it or keep it in your life.”
To those who we have given hope to for so long and just disappoint us in the end, you get off here for now. We’re on the way to the top, maybe you can join us later.