March 21, 2018 1:33 AM

I hope someone will fall for me just as much as I have fallen for you.

And when that time comes, I won’t take it for granted.

I probably won’t have a clear memory of tonight’s events. I can already feel it slipping away because my brain has been trained to push away memories that are painful to remember. I’ll probably see you in the next few days, or when school starts, and look at you with the same stupid grin on my face. The same as I always have given you ever since my view changed for you and how I have a new love for you.

Is it weird, that I could see us now growing old together? Together like this.

I would wake up every morning with you next to me, slowly  and softly planting kisses on my shoulder and forehead. After a few moments, I would get up to make breakfast before we start our day. You would get up a little after to check on the kids, seeing they were ready to be sent off to school. We would part ways for the remainder of the day, either going off to work or running errands. We would both come home after and make dinner together, sitting down at the table with what we have made and asking our kids how their days were. After sending them off to bed, we would be both staying up a little later than usual, with me writing and you taking care of some late night work. We would both head up to bed when we were both ready and then he would hold me tight. You would take my hand and intertwine your fingers in mine, bringing your forehead so it would press up against my neck.

Just like you used to.

But as usual, it shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

So as usual, my brain will cover it up with everything else that I find important now, and would rather think about. Let my brain wander with ‘oh wells’ than ‘what if’s’.

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