RELEASE No. 5

One of the things I learned in 2018 is how to take care of myself when I’m hurting.

If you compare January April to December April, there was so much character development.

The April in January was sitting on her bathroom floor at 3/4 a.m. in the morning crying in pain and punching doors.

The April in December is sitting in her car staring at the night sky and breathing the cold air with a view.

This morning I got pretty overwhelmed with a number of things that are happening and I was on the brink of crying. It wasn’t even 9 AM yet. However, after a few deep breaths, a moment to think about and accept my feelings, and brainstorming logical ideas on how to move forward, I became okay again. As I sat at my desk at work, I took another long, deep breath, and reminded myself that things could be worse. There have been worse days, weeks, even months. I reminded myself that I’m okay and it’s going to work out.

Over the course of a year, I have re-learned what it means to pick myself up back up again. I tripped, fell, got pushed, etc. this past year. Yes, there were a few moments where people would be there to help me back up again, but there were a lot of moments where I would be by myself and in emotional, sometimes physical, pain. As I venture on into my mid-twenties, I know I’m going to have a lot of those moments where I am physically alone and I am not emotionally okay. It’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to reach out now and then, but there is a limit and definitely consequences.

Right now, I still have nerves. But the difference now is that instead of staying at home in bed and avoiding everything and everyone and being an extremely sad potato, I’m taking the appropriate and healthy steps to cope. I went to work, I answered my emails, and started tackling my to-do list. I take quick walks, I do small work-outs, I doodle in my planner, and write in my diary.  Then when it comes time to be with my friends, I’m able to be fully present.

Life is interesting and wild and unexpected. It’s a constant adjusting period.

We can do this. I can do this.

 

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